Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Bike Ride... of DOOM!

Part One

This weekend, I decided to go on a bike ride.

Of doom.

This is my bike.

I bought it awhile ago on CraigsList from this older guy who was the nicest, coolest person ever. I wish he could be my spiritual guide or my guru or my librarian or something.

I don't have a picture of him, so here's a picture of Jackie Chan.

My bike was pretty inexpensive, despite my being from Colorado, where it's the law that your bicycle has to cost more than your car.

It's ok though, because I don't own a car.

I put on some clothes, which are not bike riding clothes at all. But my butt* looked really good in them, so I was sure that someone would ask if they could be my boyfriend.

Here is a pictures of my clothes.
*Butt not shown here

Then I got my sunglasses, but they were broken, because it is the destiny of sunglasses to break.

Then I put on my helmet and took another picture of myself.

Then I was ready to go!

Part Two

Ten feet.

When my bike chain fell off.

Luckily, I'm a genius, so this did not phase me.

Then I was ready to go!

When this car stopped halfway down the block.

Luckily, I'm a genius, so this did not phase me.

Then I was ready to go!

When a bus came up behind me and started honking at me.

I might be a genius, but this was getting ridiculous.

I mean, OK, bus driver man. I know you want to be my boyfriend, but your wanting to check me out is no reason to honk at me when you could just stop the bus, get out, and ask me for my number. 

Then I was ready to go!

So I got off my bike and walked.

Part Three

To the park!




(Who could TOTALLY ask to be my boyfriend!)

I rode and rode and rode!

Then I was thirsty.

So I said, "Dude, why is this water $3.00? This costs half at the regular store."

And he said, "Because this stand costs $150,000 in fees to run each year, not including taxes, or cost of goods."


Part Four

After having a nice, long bike ride, and after enjoying the beauty of the park, the nice weather, and the fact that I managed not to get hit by any cars, the day was a complete DISASTER because no one asked me if they could be my boyfriend even though my butt looked TOTALLY CUTE IN MY PANTS.

I mean, yeah... maybe it's "hard" to ask me out when I'm riding SUPER FAST because I am SUPER AWESOME at bike-riding, but that is no excuse.

Because my butt looked TOTALLY CUTE IN MY PANTS.

Luckily I'm a genius, so I made a graph:

The end.