On Birthdays

            “Today’s my birthday!”

            “Happy birthday!” Rick, the guy behind the cash register at the concession stand, said. I felt like we had made a connection. A deep, meaningful bond. I smiled.

            “Thank you,” I said, as I realized that telling anyone it’s your birthday basically requires them to respond with a “happy birthday”, regardless of if they actually give a damn about your happiness.

            “Hmmm so… how much is the candy?” I asked.

            “It’s different prices,” Rick said.

            “Like what?” I asked.

            “Well this one is like four dollars, I think. Let me check. It’s four dollars. This other one is… four dollars. I think that this one is four-fifty, but I’ll have to look. No—it’s four dollars.”

            “Ok, let me figure out the average cost and get back to you.”

            As I mulled over my candy purchase, I turned and saw the line of people behind me, staring at me. Was it because I had already spent ten minutes too long at the register trying to figure out what I wanted? Was it because I had been flirting with a gay cash register man? I didn’t know for certain, but I was pretty sure it was because I had nice hair.

            I looked at the woman behind me. She looked happy to see me, even though she was frowning. I was glad I had skimmed through a body language book that told me how to read beyond obvious facial expressions.

            “All right,” I said to Rick. “I’ll take your overpriced candy, and your sexy cheekbones too.”

            Rick looked confused. Or maybe he was turned on.

             “Or just the candy. The candy is good.”

            “That’ll be five dollars,” Rick said.