#1 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: They Make You Stronger
Like Kelly Clarkson (‘s songwriter who was quoting an old adage) once said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And that’s true, because I’ve done a lot of things in life that haven’t killed me, and I got stronger. For example, eating chicken didn’t kill me, and I’ve heard that protein makes you stronger. Also head lice. I haven’t ever gotten head lice, but that’s just another thing that hasn’t killed me either.
#2 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: They’re Entertaining
No expensive movie ticket needed! Just wallow in your own misery! Or, better yet, get a mirror and watch yourself wallow in your own misery! Much better than watching Nicole Kidman wallow in her own misery on the big screen! (Unless, of course, you are Nicole Kidman.)
#3 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: They Make for Good Songs
Just ask The Beatles! Do you think they wrote, “Yeah I’m lonely, wanna dieeeee” while they were smoking weed, banging chicks, and swimming in a pool of money? (Well, come to think of it, yeah, they probably were.)
#4 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: They’re Free
That’s more than I can say about lunch.
#5 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: They Make for Good Memoirs
It is impossible to write a good memoir without at least one mental breakdown, if not 30. And they have to be good mental breakdowns too.
None of this, “Oh, I’m really sad because my dog just got run over by a train” crap; you have to move people with long run-on sentences like:
I was on the verge of extinction, lying on the cold marble, diamond-encrusted, Chanel №5-infused bathroom floor, knowing that I had nothing to live for; not only did my dog get run over by a train, but so did my husband, my aunt, my mother-in-law (though, good riddance to her — she did never like my curtains), 12 of my butlers, and my parakeet; and to top it all off: my eyelash extensionssuck — I said I wanted Audrey Hepburn, not Drag Queen Night-Walker — so there I lay, the tears filling in the gaps between my god-awful eyelash extensions, knowing that it would all be over… all be over… all be over… very soon.”
But to absolutely no one’s surprise, it wasn’t over for the writer, because they were alive enough to (hire a ghost-) write (-r for) their book.
#6 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: You Could Blame Literally Everything on Your Mental Breakdown
Didn’t really want to go to brunch with Alice? Stole your neighbor’s mail? Embezzled money? No problem! Just blame it on your mental breakdown! It’s that easy.
#7 Benefit of Mental Breakdowns: You Could Learn Stuff About Yourself
For example: How long can you cry?
Like the wise sage Kelly Clarkson (‘s songwriter who was quoting an old adage) once said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But what doesn’t NOT kill you, kills you. So don’t do drugs, kids.